whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
