May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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