my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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