She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
