I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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