Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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