Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
