I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
