Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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