Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
