he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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