Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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