I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
