last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
