found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
