we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it hurts more in the daytime
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
