I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
