I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
