Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
