I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
