Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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