great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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