i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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