two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your penis caused this!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
