Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize