I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
