either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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