On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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