I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
