my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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