1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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