Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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