My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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