PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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