so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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