Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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