you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
