mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
