Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
