Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
