when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
