I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
