Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize