I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
