Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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