I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
