he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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