You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
