Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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