He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
