real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
