Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
