Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
