no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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