In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
