I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
