well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't notice because vodka
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
