My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
