Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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