yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
