ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
