Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
