just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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