just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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