walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
