Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
